Paul* first met Crystal* at a party. He thought she was beautiful, with a great personality. Crystal, on the other hand thought Paul had potential. She felt he was a bit boring with a dry sense of humor, and he didn’t dress as well as she liked, but he was handsome and very successful, so she could work with him. Crystal envisioned Paul with a different wardrobe and slight personality change that would make him fit right in with her life and her circle of friends, and soon she was ready to get to work.   

Crystal took Paul shopping and told him what to say and what not to say. Three months into dating, Crystal and Paul began to bicker. Crystal would question Paul about his “weird” comments around her friends and she did not like going out with his friends or “the nerdy bunch” as she called them. Paul resented Crystal for trying to make him into someone he was not and saying things like, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about” in front of her friends. He did appreciate the clothing tips, and he changed a few things in his wardrobe, but he still paired
them with his old faithful worn jeans and khaki shorts, which disgusted Crystal. After six (6) months, the
relationship was over.
 
When we begin to date someone, we start to size them up immediately. We look at their physical features, their mannerisms, how they chew their food, what clothes they wear, all these things in order to see whether this person is worthy of another date. 
 
If we see some characteristics we do not like, we may say to ourselves, “I can change that, or that will change as our relationship grows”.  And yes, changes can occur, either through inspiration or desperation.  We may be inspired to change because of what we have seen or experienced, like our first child being born or coming out unharmed from a terrible accident. Author and motivational speakers Tony Robbins and Iyanla Vanzant have inspired millions of people to make long-lasting changes in their lives for the better.  Desperation change happens when we hit rock bottom or we are given an ultimatum by our partner. Unfortunately in many relationships, the people that change out of desperation eventually revert back to their original selves once the fear is gone, and it’s just a matter of time until we realize that those attributes we thought we could change are just as they were in the beginning. 
 
We have to give people the freedom to be as they are and who they are. When we want to change a person, as in the example of Paul and Crystal, we are in essence, saying to them, “I do not trust and respect your choices or your point of view and my point of view is better, so you need to conform to what I like and who I want you to be”. I don’t know about you, but I would rather be with someone who respects my choices and gives me the support and freedom to be myself. Now if someone is going down a path that is detrimental to their wellbeing, I would encourage you to say something, and then give them the freedom to make their own choice. If your partner’s actions are detrimental to your wellbeing, get out of that relationship. Your safety is more important than the narrow possibility of someone changing their abusive behavior. 
 
So, you meet someone you like, with potential to mold them into who you want them to be. Your relationship will probably be rocky, but you can still hope for them to be inspired or desperation to kick them in the
direction towards change. On the other hand, you meet someone you like and if you can look at them and say, “I hope she never changes” or “I hope he stays just the way he is”, you’ve got a really good chance for a happy and fulfilled relationship.
 
*names have been changed

 *Jonathan and Maria have been married for 10 years. Maria continually tells Jonathan that she would like him to compliment her more. Maria wonders if her husband is still attracted to her after 10 years of marriage and three children, which is a common insecurity for wives as well as husbands. Jonathan doesn’t understand why she's complaining because he gives her compliments and buys her nice things all the time. He even tells his friends how beautiful she is and how she's such a great mother. Jonathan compliments Maria by saying things like, “Your hair looks really nice today” or "Dinner was great tonight". However, Maria’s response is, “So my hair didn’t look nice yesterday?" or "You didn't say anything the last time I cooked this". Jonathan tries to explain, but after a few “Whatever Jonathan” comments from Maria, he's left feeling frustrated and confused.
 
Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best ways to add problems to your relationship is to make assumptions. Unfortunately, not making assumptions in relationships can be difficult because this is such a frequent occurrence in life as well as in relationships. We assume people should know what we are thinking. We assume
people should know how to treat us because we assume people were raised with our same values. In relationships, we assume our partner knows what we like and how we like things. And like Jonathan and Maria, we assume there is some underlying message behind what our partner says or does. We will dissect, interpret and analyze other people’s comments and behavior to death! 
  
In the case of Jonathan and Maria, because Maria assumed Jonathan was giving her underhanded insults, she totally missed the compliments! Her husband was saying something nice, appreciating her beauty (which is what she wants from him), and she got so caught up in her own worry, anger, and negative self talk that she did not hear and accept what was said. This is, unfortunately what happens when assumptions are made in relationships. We end up not listening to what is truly being said and arguments occur that could have been avoided. Also, the person giving the gift, whether it’s a compliment, an act of service, or something tangible, feels rejected. Now, s/he is much less likely to give another compliment or gift at the risk of being rejected again. 
 
If you are in a relationship and are blessed to have a partner that is actually speaking your love language and giving you what you desire, don't question their gifts. Do not question your partner's sincerity. Accept what they are giving you and say thank you. Do not allow your insecurities and fears to ruin your relationship. The
more you say thank you and appreciate what your partner does, the more s/he will want to do for you. Just remember, people run away from rejection, but they keep coming back for acceptance and gratitude. 

*names have been changed

Have you ever noticed how words affect you and those around you? Think about your favorite song that you love to sing, or your favorite line in a movie. Why are those words your favorites? Do they make you
laugh or smile? Do they pump you up and get you excited? Do they touch your heart in some way? Think about the best advice you were ever given, or the worst. Did you heed the advice? Was it life-changing?
 
There is so much power in the words that are spoken all around us, as well as the words that we say to others and to ourselves. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, the author Maya Angelou said, “Words are things… They can get in the carpet and in the walls and on your clothes.”  In other words, they stick with you and soak into whatever or whomever they touch.
 
Now some may think that what others say has no affect on us. Just ask any adult who has grown up listening to their parents tell them they are no good or they will never amount to anything. Ask them how those words
affected them.  Words are so powerful that they mold our very existence and who we become. Negative words are painful, bruising and cause wounds and scars. On the other hand, positive words and praise can heal, encourage, inspire and change lives. 
 
Not only do spoken words affect us, but written words as well. One of the most influential books in our society, whether you agree with what it says or not, is the Bible.  Speaker Carol Thiessen from www.newhopeforliving.com says, “The Bible has shaped not only religious thought, but politics, law, education, literature, culture… Its stories are rendered creatively through painting and sculpture. Its themes have been portrayed lyrically by composers through the ages”.
  
When it comes to the media and television, negative words and drama, especially in reality television, are glamorized. Most of the media (and those who are watching) thrive on the fights and arguments, the lies and
betrayal. This is what sells in America today and if you let it, it can seep into your homes and how you relate to others, so be careful with what you choose to listen to. It can lead to becoming desensitized towards negativity. Talking to others in a cruel, uncompassionate way becomes the norm and people speaking nicely to one another and forgiving them for their faults becomes shocking and uncomfortable.
 
So how are you speaking to your loved ones? Are your words filled with kindness and consideration or are they filled with negativity and venom? Do you use your words to heal or are they used as weapons to hurt
others?  And remember that just because you are talking to one person does not mean anyone else listening will
not be influenced by what you say. Whoever can hear what you are saying is exposed to the power of your words. When I was in high school, one of my classmates called another kid the “N” word. My classmate looked at me and said, “I wasn’t talking about you, Susan”. I told him that it didn’t matter who he was referring to. The fact that I heard it was damaging enough. Once you speak, you can’t erase what has been said, nor can you control who heard it and how they are influenced by it. 
 
My suggestion: Always speak from a place of love and compassion. Use your words to strengthen and build others up instead of using them to weaken and tear others down because whatever you do to others, you are
doing to yourself.

Todd* is known for being a jack of all trades (and some say a master of none). Todd has his day job of managing a grocery store which he loves. Because he's a natural salesman and loves gadgets, Todd also sells computer accessories and the latest hand-held electronic gadgets on eBay. He has a technology review blog that he writes weekly. Because he is passionate about his family, they have family game night once a week, a weekly date night with his wife and several family getaways throughout the year. Todd is also a musician and he plays guitar for his church every Sunday. Todd is what I call multi-passionate.

In this society we are taught that you find the one thing you are passionate about, perfect that one thing and hopefully that one thing can earn you a decent living. If you end up changing that passion once or even twice, that's okay.  However, if you change your passions three or more times, or if you engage in more than three passions at one time, you then become labeled as flighty, unstable, and confused. Well I'm here to give you multi-passionates the permission to have and enjoy as many passions as you can handle. You are wonderfully complex and multi-talented, multi-gifted beings with unlimited potential. That means there are no limits to what you can do. So do what you are drawn to. If you are drawn to different languages and you want to enroll in a Spanish class one week, and then learn French after that, I say go for it! If, like Todd, you want to be a musician, writer, grocery store manager and technology salesman, don't let anything or anyone stop you.

In the book, The Renaissance Soul, Margaret Lobenstine points out different famous people in history who were multi-passionate. She states Benjamin Franklin was an inventor, printer, scientist, author and diplomat. She also points out that the famous painter, Leonardo da Vinci, also built canals and designed musical instruments, bicycles and weaponry. George Washington Carver is described in her book as a chemist and agriculturalist who not only developed many products such as mayonnaise and instant coffee, but was also an educator, businessman, medical worker, artist, author and social reformer.

Now I will encourage you to finish what you start. There is a reason why you are drawn to certain things and sometimes that reason may not appear until the project(s) are completed or the goal(s) are achieved. There may be a latent skill or talent trying to unfold. There may be a person you are destined to meet through exploring this passion. The reason could also be for you to simply feel pride in what you've accomplished and to be an example for all the other multi-passionates out there.

Also, manage your time wisely and be careful not to neglect the people you are passionate about. One way to do this is to layer your passions. For example, if you're passionate about singing and spending time with your family, incorporate your singing with family functions. If you and the family go church together, join the church choir. Another way is to decide how much time you want to spend doing what you are passionate about. There may be some passions that can be done daily, once a week or even monthly. The beautiful thing is there is no right or wrong way to be multi-passionate. All that matters is that you are doing what brings you joy and spending time with the people that bring joy to you.

*Name has been changed

As a coach and family mediator, I see couples that have been divorced for years, coming back time and time again to continue arguing about what the other ex-spouse has or has not done, and it pains me to see them reliving their past hurt over and over again.  When past resentment is held on to, it is stifling. It cripples you and prevents you from moving forward in your life. Some people think, “If I stay angry, I am punishing the person who hurt me.” Actually the only person you are punishing is yourself. It is like holding on to a hot coal, hoping the other person will get burned.  The other person is going on with their lives while you remain stuck in the pain of the past.  In order to truly move forward in your life, forgiveness is necessary.  

Gandhi says, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”Now it may be easy to forgive a child for something because they are looked upon as innocent and still learning right from wrong. It also may be easy to forgive minor things, such as someone stepping on your toe accidentally or someone walked out with your pen. But what about the big betrayals? Cheating, lying, stealing, raping…killing? In a study from the Gallup Organization, asking American people about various religious topics in 1988, it was found “that 94% said it was important to forgive, but 85% said they needed some outside help to be able to forgive” (Wikipedia).  

Forgiveness is an act of strength. A big part of forgiveness is letting go.  It entails letting go of the blame; letting go of the replay of events in your mind; letting go of the need to know why; and as Oprah says, “Letting go of the hope that the past could be any different”. Forgiveness also means letting go of the need for an apology or for the person who hurt you to make amends in some way. Forgiveness is not about the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is all about you.    

Forgiveness is freeing. It removes the shackles of the past. Many people misunderstand forgiveness. They think that if they forgive, they are letting the other person off the hook. That is not the case. You are not forgetting what has happened. You are taking responsibility for your life by taking back the power of the past hurt and setting yourself free.  

So how do you forgive? It starts by making a choice every day to have a new life experience. Say to yourself every day, “I forgive ________ and I let go of the hurt you caused and the anger I felt. I am now free”. In the beginning, you may not believe yourself when you say these words, but say them anyway until they become true for you.

 After you have forgiven the person who hurt you, forgive yourself for giving your power away to your anger and resentment. Say to yourself until you believe it, “I forgive myself for choosing past anger and resentment over moving forward in my present life. I now choose to live in this wonderful moment. Now I choose peace.

Jillian*, a 25 year old successful model, just started dating Matt*, a 29 year old police officer. They both love the outdoors and hiking, they both love animals and they have great conversations about everything. After 3 months of dating, Jillian believes she has found the one. She has noticed, however, that Matt drinks heavily when they go out. Matt also told her he has been known to be a jerk sometimes when he doesn't get his way, and he thinks he gets his temper from his abusive dad. Jillian could never imagine him acting that way towards her since he's such a romantic and he trusts her enough to share his painful past. Jillian decides she is ready to introduce Matt to her family. Before they arrive at her mother’s house, Matt downs a small bottle of Jim Beam he has stashed in his car’s glove compartment. Jillian confronts him about this and he snaps at her saying he's a grown man and just because he's allowed her to be his girlfriend for 3 months, that doesn't give her the right to tell him what to do. Jillian shook it off as him being nervous about meeting her family and introduced him as if nothing was wrong.

Fast forward six months when Matt and Jillian are now living together, and we see Jillian holding her bruised cheek in disbelief. She was going out with friends and Matt did not like what she was wearing. Jillian told Matt she was not changing and Matt got violently angry.

Why do we get into relationships with false ideas and fantasies about who people are and we ignore what we see and hear? Well there are four reasons that come to mind.

1. We are just happy to have someone. This tends to happen when you’ve been alone for a while, your self esteem is at an all-time low and anyone is better than no one. This may also happen when you have had a really bad relationship in the past. You may latch onto the first person that says a kind word and ignore all the other warning signs. Jillian ignored Matt’s drinking and controlling ways because he was sweet and romantic…in the beginning.

2. We minimize what we see. You’re favorite line to your friends becomes "S/he is not that bad", which is probably true. Even abusers have a honeymoon period when they are kind and giving, but unfortunately it is short-lived. In order to justify staying in a roller-coaster relationship, you hold onto the occasional good times in order to tolerate all the bad times. Jillian justified Matt’s behavior to her family by focusing on his good job, what they have in common, and by saying, “He’s a cop, so of course he’s overprotective” as well as, “He buys me really nice jewelry”.

3. We are stuck on the "potential" or what we hope they will become. Just because someone is tall, that does not mean they will end up playing in the NBA. If you do not see your mate moving in the direction of their dreams or you find yourself working harder than your mate to help him/her obtain that dream, then it's not your mate’s desire. It's yours. The relationship has become more about what you want instead of really seeing who your mate is. Jillian thought if she and Matt were under the same roof, things would get better because they would be moving in the direction of “living happily ever after”.

4. We expect all people to be the same. On the flip side, maybe you have a wonderful mate, but because you dated three jerks in a row before him/her, you expect your new mate to treat you the same way. You ignore the loving, kind behavior and constantly look for them to hurt you in some way, which ultimately pushes them away. Matt expected Jillian to be like his first wife who cheated and left him for another guy. So, just like his father, he knew he had to keep a tighter reign on Jillian in order to keep her in line.

Pay attention to the company you keep. Do NOT stay in an abusive relationship. Look at what your mate does as well as what they say. Listen to what your mate’s friends/family say about them. Usually people will show/tell you who they are early in the relationship. If they tell you they have a bad temper, believe them. If they tell you they can be controlling, believe them. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If your mate is staring and blatantly flirting with other women while they are with you, but he calls it being friendly, believe what you see. If your mate is talking to other guys late at night or texting sexy messages/photos to other guys, but she says they are just friends, believe what you see. Likewise, if they show you they are compassionate and kind, believe them. If they show you respect and treat others the same, believe them.

Now I'm not saying to constantly look for your mate’s flaws. Look at the entire package. See your mate for who they really are and not who you want or don’t want them to be. If the good outweighs the bad, (and not just the surface level stuff like their looks, their job or their car, but their core values), stay in the relationship. The true test is this: if s/he treats you the way you would want your closest friend or family member to be treated, then your mate is a keeper. If s/he treats you any less, then it’s up to you to decide what you want your relationship to look and feel like. You don't have to settle for “It’s not that bad” when “Fantastic” is out there waiting for you. It's your choice.

*names have been changed

A broken heart can be devastating. When you are in a relationship and you love your partner with all your heart and soul, only to wake up one day and find yourself alone, it can take its toll on you. The good news is you can get through a break-up.  It may take a little while and it may not be easy, but you can do it, and here’s how:

1. First, realize that everyone has a choice. Everyone has a choice to either stay in a relationship or not to stay. Just because someone chooses to leave, that does not mean you are a bad person or there is something wrong with you. It simply means that is not the person for you and you are not the person for them. If you are meant to be together, you will be.

2. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up. This is a grieving process, so take the time to grieve. Even if you are happy the relationship ended, there may still be a sense of loss. You may feel sad, angry, depressed, frustrated, or evenrelieved. Whatever you are feeling is exactly where you should be. There is no right or wrong way to feel after a break up.Now, sometimes our well-intentions friends may say something like, “Cheer up” or "Snap out of it". Know they are only trying to help, but allow yourself to take all the time you need. You may even find that your emotions take on a mind of their own. One minute you're fine and the next minute you're a ball of tears or you're snapping at people. Be gentle with yourself and just allow those emotions to pass. There is so much truth in the saying, "Time heals all wounds".

 3. Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Sometimes we may want to be in a relationship so badly or fear being alone so much that we will try our hardest to get back into the relationship that just ended. Everything happens for a reason. It may be that there is someone else out there that is more suited for us. Or it may be that the timing is just not right for the two of you.  Whatever the reason is, accept where you are and know that staying stuck on what was will stop you from moving forward into what could be.

 4. Take some time for yourself before you get into another relationship. I cannot stress this enough. I have seen so many people jump right into another relationship, not because they are invested in this new person, but because they do not want to deal with the grief and the possible discomfort of being alone. But let me tell you, there is so much growth that comes out of the in-between times. After a break-up, your mind and soul need to grieve and let go of what was and that takes time. This is also the time to discover more about yourself, who you are and what you want out of a relationship. When we jump into relationships too soon, you carry the baggage of your old relationship into the new one. This is why rebound relationships rarely last. Even if someone says, "The relationship was over long before we split up", there is still an adjustment period from the old to the new. Each relationship we have brings lessons to learn. The beauty of relationships is that they show us and teach us something about ourselves and those times in between are the perfect opportunity to uncover what we have learned and leave the baggage behind us.

5. Continue to believe in love. Sometimes after a break-up, people get tainted and bitter regarding relationships. Know that love is out there and as long as you are open to love, love will come. Don't allow one bad break-up to spoil the beautiful, fulfilling relationships that are waiting for you.

 

I will be the first to admit that I love Love. I am a sappy, hopeless romantic who loves the idea of being in love and all aspects of giving and receiving love. Unfortunately, as the years have passed, I have seen love being misused and abused. In the news, there are people being killed and killing themselves in the name of “love”. We see children being neglected because a parent “loves” someone or some other substance more than the children. We see people staying in abusive relationships because they “love” their abuser and are unable to leave. However, I am the ultimate optimist, so I am hopeful. I am hopeful that our world is moving towards a healthier, safer, and more respectful approach to love, especially when it comes to the love shared by the two adults that make up the foundation of a family. So to continue moving in the direction of beautiful, joyous and fulfilling love, here are a few tips to help couples establish and maintain a strong loving foundation for their
relationship.

1.  There's so much more to love than romance. The true essence of love and loving someone is more than just flowers and candlelit dinners. Lao Tzu says “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Loving a spouse or a mate means being willing to take their needs and desires into consideration and meet those needs. It means even when they push your buttons, you still are able to see the good in them and are willing to focus on the underlying issue instead of pushing their buttons in
retaliation. When you give up the need to react, you are not only showing your spouse or partner that the wellbeing of your relationship is more important than winning an argument, but you are also showing yourself that you have the courage, the integrity, and the grace to withstand any obstacle in life. On the flip side, knowing that your spouse or partner unconditionally loves you and supports you, especially when you are not at your best, gives you the strength to face the world. Studies have shown that when a person feels loved and
supported by a spouse or partner, physiologically, their body reacts more calmly in the face of a crisis than when they do not feel loved. The wonderful thing is that diffusing arguments is not the only way to give and receive love in relationships. Loving is easier than you think. When you say thank you, you are showing love. Holding the door open for someone is a loving gesture. Washing the dishes, holding hands, watching a movie together, giving compliments, or love notes are all simple but very effective (and appreciated) ways to show your spouse or partner you love them.

 2. We all show love differently and we all want to be loved differently. In relationships, it's very common to assume that your partner's needs are the same as your needs. Many times, this is not the case.
You may be very affectionate and enjoy constant cuddling and touching, while your partner likes to be complimented and likes you to help around the house. If neither one of you is aware of the other's needs, it may lead to feelings of dissatisfaction because neither one of you is getting what you desire. You are not speaking each other's "love language". In the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, it outlines different "love languages" or ways we show love and the importance of knowing what you and your partner need emotionally to feel fulfilled and loved. The love languages he describes are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. (To find out your love language and for more information, please visit www.5lovelanguages.com .) You can literally transform your relationship into something spectacular if both of you choose to speak the other's love language and give each other the emotional attention you need. 
 
3. Self love and knowing what's important to you is vital. We all have emotional needs. We all deserve to be loved in the way that meets our needs. However, in order to have your needs met, you must have a sense of
self-love and self-respect. When someone is insecure and they don't feel good about themselves, they tend to get taken advantage of and settle for less than they desire because they compromise their needs for a false sense of security. They are more willing to accept a lot of heartache and grief for a little morsel of happiness and allowing someone to disregard your needs is the same as you disregarding yourself. In order to alleviate this pain, first, you need to know what's important to you in a relationship. How do you want to be loved? What
emotional needs have to be met by your spouse or partner for you to feel fulfilled? Secondly, how are you showing love to yourself? Are you meeting your own emotional needs? In other words, if you want your spouse or partner to say nice things and compliment you, pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself. Are you belittling yourself when you make a mistake or are you gentle with yourself? If you are saying negative things to yourself, hearing negative comments from your spouse or partner, however painful, may eventually be tolerated. And finally, how are you treating others? Are you kind to others or are you rude and mean? Remember, whatever you think about and whatever actions and words you put out into the world will create your personal reality. It is all up to you. You can choose to create your own loving heaven here on earth or choose to live in your very own personal hell. You decide how you will be treated by your spouse or partner and ultimately how you treat yourself, so please be good to yourself and one another. Treat each other with the love and respect you both deserve because it is you two that set the stage for those who follow. 

Susan Thomas, Master Certified Coach,  www.thesoulutioncoach.com
Have a challenging life question? Email me at [email protected].

The beginning of a new year is filled with hope and promises of new possibilities, new creations, and a new you.   It’s funny how we start each year looking in the mirror, trying to figure out what we need to change, tweak, add or subtract. Well, my question for you is, what’s wrong with the old you?  We get so caught up in judging ourselves  and our lives when the new year rolls around, but I want you to know that you  are perfect just as you are, wherever you are in your life at this very moment.  
  
Let’s take a minute, and instead of asking what needs to change, ask, “What do I have to be thankful for?” If you’re having trouble answering the question, the fact that you are able to read these words is enough to smile about. It means you are alive and breathing. Your eyes are working and you can see. It means you can read and comprehend the English language, which is no small feat (just ask anyone whose first language is not
  English!).  We don’t take enough time to say nice things about ourselves, to appreciate who we are and what we  have. Sitting for a moment in a place of gratitude allows you to be kind to yourself and say,“You know what? I’m alright and my life is pretty good, too!”   
  
Now, for all you Resolution Makers out there, I understand that the start of another year is the perfect opportunity to set goals and accomplish something new. I’m not trying to minimize that at all. But, there’s a wise saying that reads, “You can’t have what you want until you want what you have”. Also, contrary to popular belief, it’s not the goal(s) that’s important. What is important is the journey towards the goal. How you experience your journey is what will make all the difference in whether or not you actually reach your goal. My advice is, enjoy the journey. Have fun and fill it with as much love and passion as possible.
 
If your goal is to lose weight, begin by doing something physically fun, like dancing or taking walks or an exercise class with loved ones. Don’t stop eating the foods you love, as the celebrity-endorsed infomercials say. Find healthier ways to prepare them, and when you’re cooking, put on your favorite music or your favorite television show. Food tastes much better when it’s prepared in a stress-free and fun environment.
 
If your goal is to make more money, begin with something you love to do and find out how to make it profitable. Start by asking your friends and family what they would pay for your service or whatever it is you’re
  selling. Go online and see what others are doing. The beauty of our world these days is that people will pay for practically anything. If a slice of toast with an image of Jesus on it can sell on Ebay, you can definitely make money with whatever brings you joy! 
 
If your goal is to find that someone special, make a list of the traits you desire in that person. Next, make a list of the traits you love about yourself. Now look at the two lists. Are there traits on your potential mate’s list you would like to incorporate in your life? Are there traits on your list you would like your new mate to have? Make all necessary changes to your lists. Then put your lists in a drawer and allow those traits you love about yourself to shine through in all you do. 
  
By doing all these things, you will attract the mate, the money and the new you. The loving, fun, positive energy
you put out into the world will make its way back to you in the form of what (and whom) you desire. And as you give thanks along the way, you will realize you are perfect just as you are and you have everything you need to live the life you want this year and the many years to come.

It’s the close of another year and I just wanted to share with you a few of the wonderful nuggets of wisdom I have been blessed to receive throughout this year. These words have made an impact not only on my personal life, but how I view and experience my professional life as well, and I hope they can inspire you as we move into a new year.
 
1. “Greatness is contagious. You’ll catch it if you get around it.” – T.D. Jakes
 Simply being around people who are progressing and moving in the direction that you wish to go can elevate you to the place you need to be. Pay attention to the company you are keeping. Are you around positive people
 who are taking action in their lives, or are you surrounding yourself with people who are still in the same space they were ten years ago? If you are in a romantic relationship, look at your partner. What does your relationship say about you? Does your relationship match the person you want to be? For the new year, make a commitment to let go of those who are bringing you down and surround yourself with people who represent your highest vision of you.
 
2. “What other people think about you is none of your business.” – Author Unknown 
 So many times we get caught up in what others think about us. We make their opinion the one that counts in our lives, and eventually it may steer us in a direction different from where we really want to be. Well I’m here to tell you, your life is just that, YOUR LIFE. It’s no one else’s but your own. Now is the time to take responsibility for your life and not allow someone else’s thoughts to take away your power. Reclaim your sense of self, follow your own dreams and tell all the naysayers and dream killers to keep their thoughts and opinions of you to themselves.
 
3. “ When you have nothing else, you have a choice.” - Penney Peirce   
In every moment of every day, you have a choice of what you will do, how you will feel and what you focus your mind on.  I hear people say all the time, “I can’t help how I feel” or “He made me do that” or “I can’t stop thinking about this”. You always have a choice. No one controls what you do or how you think or feel. You, and only you, decide what frame of mind you reside in or what actions you take. As you move into the new year, if you find yourself in the midst of an undesirable feeling or mindset, first, take responsibility for choosing the experience. Then make a conscious choice to think and do something different that will bring you the feeling, and ultimately the reality you desire.  And remember, even in the depths of trauma, you can still be at peace, if
you choose.
 
4. “ You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.” –Jan Glidewell
 Leave the past in the past. What happened yesterday cannot be changed. Use your memories to learn from or to comfort you, but do not allow your memories to use you. All that you have is this moment right now because even tomorrow is not promised. We cannot change where we were born, how we grew up, how other people treated us, all the mistakes we made, but all those things do not have to define who we are today. It’s time to forgive ourselves and others for the mistakes of the past, let go of the worries of the future and embrace the joy of this present moment.  The definition of forgiveness that Oprah Winfrey uses says it best. “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different”. As this year comes to a close, allow yourself to let go of those memories and thoughts that are not in alignment with your highest good, and make each present moment a step towards a bright and beautiful future.  
 
Susan Thomas, Master Certified Coach,
  www.thesoulutioncoach.com


Have a challenging life question? Email me at
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