*Jonathan and Maria have been married for 10 years. Maria continually tells Jonathan that she would like him to compliment her more. Maria wonders if her husband is still attracted to her after 10 years of marriage and three children, which is a common insecurity for wives as well as husbands. Jonathan doesn’t understand why she's complaining because he gives her compliments and buys her nice things all the time. He even tells his friends how beautiful she is and how she's such a great mother. Jonathan compliments Maria by saying things like, “Your hair looks really nice today” or "Dinner was great tonight". However, Maria’s response is, “So my hair didn’t look nice yesterday?" or "You didn't say anything the last time I cooked this". Jonathan tries to explain, but after a few “Whatever Jonathan” comments from Maria, he's left feeling frustrated and confused.
Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best ways to add problems to your relationship is to make assumptions. Unfortunately, not making assumptions in relationships can be difficult because this is such a frequent occurrence in life as well as in relationships. We assume people should know what we are thinking. We assume
people should know how to treat us because we assume people were raised with our same values. In relationships, we assume our partner knows what we like and how we like things. And like Jonathan and Maria, we assume there is some underlying message behind what our partner says or does. We will dissect, interpret and analyze other people’s comments and behavior to death!
In the case of Jonathan and Maria, because Maria assumed Jonathan was giving her underhanded insults, she totally missed the compliments! Her husband was saying something nice, appreciating her beauty (which is what she wants from him), and she got so caught up in her own worry, anger, and negative self talk that she did not hear and accept what was said. This is, unfortunately what happens when assumptions are made in relationships. We end up not listening to what is truly being said and arguments occur that could have been avoided. Also, the person giving the gift, whether it’s a compliment, an act of service, or something tangible, feels rejected. Now, s/he is much less likely to give another compliment or gift at the risk of being rejected again.
If you are in a relationship and are blessed to have a partner that is actually speaking your love language and giving you what you desire, don't question their gifts. Do not question your partner's sincerity. Accept what they are giving you and say thank you. Do not allow your insecurities and fears to ruin your relationship. The
more you say thank you and appreciate what your partner does, the more s/he will want to do for you. Just remember, people run away from rejection, but they keep coming back for acceptance and gratitude.
*names have been changed
Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best ways to add problems to your relationship is to make assumptions. Unfortunately, not making assumptions in relationships can be difficult because this is such a frequent occurrence in life as well as in relationships. We assume people should know what we are thinking. We assume
people should know how to treat us because we assume people were raised with our same values. In relationships, we assume our partner knows what we like and how we like things. And like Jonathan and Maria, we assume there is some underlying message behind what our partner says or does. We will dissect, interpret and analyze other people’s comments and behavior to death!
In the case of Jonathan and Maria, because Maria assumed Jonathan was giving her underhanded insults, she totally missed the compliments! Her husband was saying something nice, appreciating her beauty (which is what she wants from him), and she got so caught up in her own worry, anger, and negative self talk that she did not hear and accept what was said. This is, unfortunately what happens when assumptions are made in relationships. We end up not listening to what is truly being said and arguments occur that could have been avoided. Also, the person giving the gift, whether it’s a compliment, an act of service, or something tangible, feels rejected. Now, s/he is much less likely to give another compliment or gift at the risk of being rejected again.
If you are in a relationship and are blessed to have a partner that is actually speaking your love language and giving you what you desire, don't question their gifts. Do not question your partner's sincerity. Accept what they are giving you and say thank you. Do not allow your insecurities and fears to ruin your relationship. The
more you say thank you and appreciate what your partner does, the more s/he will want to do for you. Just remember, people run away from rejection, but they keep coming back for acceptance and gratitude.
*names have been changed
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